Drawing a conclusion out of a journey of nine months
There are easier tasks
Today is tuesday, it's a warm sunny day in the Netherlands, but also cloudy, and when the clouds come it is cold
That is today, or at least now
12.30 pm, tuesday 15th of june 2010
Tomorrow will be different, as well as the conclusion
How to possibly answer the question 'how was it?' when it was everything?
But the one thing, above all, that is remarkable is the broader perspective
That is an unchangeable change after this journey
The world is bigger than before
It's not only about my house anymore, my friends, my happiness, my agenda
There is more around
There is not only that which the eyes can see anymore, that what the heart craves for
The motivation for action isn't the own happiness anymore
Or better, it is
But the own happiness has broadened, spread, has permeated the surroundings, the people around, the nature around
How freeing it is not to see one self as the starting point of life, but life as the starting point of one self
Everything remains the same
The friends, the job, the doubts, the jealousy, the loves, the interests, the regrets, the exaltation, the uncertainty
But it's the importance that has shifted
From 'I' to 'not only I anymore'
The eyes still see the same things, the lips still form the same words
Disturbingly comforting how fast one can adapt and adapt again
But while the one eye is focused on the own life, the other one is looking at the world
And that is what going away does
It offers you the perspective of the world next to that of your own life
That is what going away does
It gives you space to breathe where before there were dark clouds of self-pity
That is what going away does
It gives the chance to come back to the home of which the evidence has been unveiled, at least for a little while
That is wat going away does
It teaches you to trust on more than your own limited ability to make decisions
It teaches you to let go in order to be better able to receive
It teaches you to breathe where there's fear
It teaches you to act where there's inertia
It teaches you to wait where there's impatience
It teaches you to stay still where there's restlessness
All of this I've read in a book before
But the insights a book can give you are only useful to that extent in which they are brought in contact with the proper, tangible, concrete experiences
That you should just do the things,
That is what I've learned
Now it's cloudy and windy again
and 15.30 pm
15th of june 2010
dinsdag 15 juni 2010
zondag 6 juni 2010
The end
I am waiting for the right words to come
to form the answer on the question
how was it
Come back in a few days and read the real end
in the mean time
I want to thank you for reading, following from far and closer, supporting, commenting, advising and loving
thank you, merci, efcharisto, tessekur ederim, kheyli mamnum, sukriya DANKU
to form the answer on the question
how was it
Come back in a few days and read the real end
in the mean time
I want to thank you for reading, following from far and closer, supporting, commenting, advising and loving
thank you, merci, efcharisto, tessekur ederim, kheyli mamnum, sukriya DANKU
the river and the girl
Paris
half of the day under the ground finding places away from the chaos of people
to rest, to put the backpack on the ground
waiting for friends, busy as always
at the Seine a girl comes to us
playing the guitar
while her friends pack the tent they were sleeping in, to find another place for tonight
she begins by wondering why she is born in france why she lives in paris why she has to be schizofrenic
she sings, I cry a little bit
but only when she's gone
because she is the one with sorrows, I'm just the witness, I can only watch and realize how lucky I am
I cry because the whole journey seems to be lying on the shoulders today, because of the pain I have seen on the way, the misery, the poverty, the dead people
because of this girl who doesn't fit in
because of the West that is so luxurious, so anonimous, so rich, so indifferent, so busy as always
because of the sad faces in the subway
because of the ipods in everyone's ears
nobody listening to the surrounding sounds, nobody there, everybody where
Ganga, my friend from India, is here with me for a few days
the girl looks at him, longing for his homecountry where she has never been before
longing for it's liberty, it's spirit, it's nature
through her eyes I see India again
far away but still present
I am not sad, it's just my eyes that are crying
half of the day under the ground finding places away from the chaos of people
to rest, to put the backpack on the ground
waiting for friends, busy as always
at the Seine a girl comes to us
playing the guitar
while her friends pack the tent they were sleeping in, to find another place for tonight
she begins by wondering why she is born in france why she lives in paris why she has to be schizofrenic
she sings, I cry a little bit
but only when she's gone
because she is the one with sorrows, I'm just the witness, I can only watch and realize how lucky I am
I cry because the whole journey seems to be lying on the shoulders today, because of the pain I have seen on the way, the misery, the poverty, the dead people
because of this girl who doesn't fit in
because of the West that is so luxurious, so anonimous, so rich, so indifferent, so busy as always
because of the sad faces in the subway
because of the ipods in everyone's ears
nobody listening to the surrounding sounds, nobody there, everybody where
Ganga, my friend from India, is here with me for a few days
the girl looks at him, longing for his homecountry where she has never been before
longing for it's liberty, it's spirit, it's nature
through her eyes I see India again
far away but still present
I am not sad, it's just my eyes that are crying
Tamara from Budapest
Tamara, Georgian, moved ten years ago with daughter and former boyfriend to Budapest
Tamara designs clothes
She doesn't like to do the dishes, she smokes
she likes to surrender to life
She doesn't have any privacy because her job is her life
In Georgia, communism was the boss
There has been a time when everybody lost their money
The poor, the rich, and the in-betweens
It was a period in which there were no classes, because everybody possessed the same : nothing
To become rich everybody had to start from scratch
Tamara wanted to design clothes
When, in Georgia, there were new shoes on the market, they were in every shop
Everybody had to wear these new shoes, no other choice
Very promising perspective for a fashion designer
She grabbed life by the tail and came with man and daughter to Budapest
Man has gone back to Georgia
Daughter is Sophie and 18 years and wears her mother's clothes and is a disarmingly honest young woman
Tamara started from scratch in Budapest because that is what one should do when being new somewhere
Her workroom is her bedroom
That explains her life
Working is sleeping is still working
She just finished the summercollection
The second one in the series of cheap collections
Before she designed exclusive expensive clothes that asked a lot of time
Now she makes exclusive affordable clothes and tries to keep it simple
She thinks a lot, she has a philosophy, a goal she wants to reach with her clothes and her life
Most people don't see that, most people only see the clothes, but they love them and can't explain why
That is the secret of a philosophy behind a concept
That is good art
You can't explain it, but it works
She doesn't want to make special clothes for a few rich ones
She doesn't want to make clothes for many people, made by many before her
She wants to make special clothes for many
Special, because she doesn't look at the trends
but at what she feels when summer is coming
or winter
When you look at someone, you have an idea of that person
When you talk with someone, your initial idea is being confirmed or corrected
When you talk with someone often, then you have so many ideas that they don't matter anymore
When you leave someone, you learned a lot of that someone
From some more than others
Tamara Barnoff. Fashion designer en good friend after two days
Time is of no importance in human relationships
Tamara designs clothes
She doesn't like to do the dishes, she smokes
she likes to surrender to life
She doesn't have any privacy because her job is her life
In Georgia, communism was the boss
There has been a time when everybody lost their money
The poor, the rich, and the in-betweens
It was a period in which there were no classes, because everybody possessed the same : nothing
To become rich everybody had to start from scratch
Tamara wanted to design clothes
When, in Georgia, there were new shoes on the market, they were in every shop
Everybody had to wear these new shoes, no other choice
Very promising perspective for a fashion designer
She grabbed life by the tail and came with man and daughter to Budapest
Man has gone back to Georgia
Daughter is Sophie and 18 years and wears her mother's clothes and is a disarmingly honest young woman
Tamara started from scratch in Budapest because that is what one should do when being new somewhere
Her workroom is her bedroom
That explains her life
Working is sleeping is still working
She just finished the summercollection
The second one in the series of cheap collections
Before she designed exclusive expensive clothes that asked a lot of time
Now she makes exclusive affordable clothes and tries to keep it simple
She thinks a lot, she has a philosophy, a goal she wants to reach with her clothes and her life
Most people don't see that, most people only see the clothes, but they love them and can't explain why
That is the secret of a philosophy behind a concept
That is good art
You can't explain it, but it works
She doesn't want to make special clothes for a few rich ones
She doesn't want to make clothes for many people, made by many before her
She wants to make special clothes for many
Special, because she doesn't look at the trends
but at what she feels when summer is coming
or winter
When you look at someone, you have an idea of that person
When you talk with someone, your initial idea is being confirmed or corrected
When you talk with someone often, then you have so many ideas that they don't matter anymore
When you leave someone, you learned a lot of that someone
From some more than others
Tamara Barnoff. Fashion designer en good friend after two days
Time is of no importance in human relationships
donderdag 27 mei 2010
European experiences
Wanted to hitchhike from Budapest to Vienna
two hours and thirty minutes by car said Google
everything was ready
had asked God to give me the ability of right distinction and a safe arrival at my goal
but there was fear
because of being alone now
a man who held his hands at his belt and didn`t look me straight in the eyes but first did a quick bodyscan was enough to lose the trust that wasn`t there in the first place
a man whose girlfriend didn`t have small breasts and neither a wide t-shirt, but at least in that way I could see she was a woman,
to whom I told that I was looking for a lift to Vienna, looked at me and asked me What kind of lift do you mean
that was the last drop, no man would be trusted by me today, not even the trustable ones
most of the familycars were full and those who weren`t were taken by more fat than skinny people whose goal was rather the Mc Drive inn than Vienna
So after one hour I gave up and gave in to the longing for safety and security
The trainstation was within a 5 minutes walk so that was a nice present from the world
I payed 30 euro`s and sat in the fast modern jetrail whose charm was nothing compared to my love, the Balkan-express
But everything together, Eastern Europe had been crossed a bit more and Vienna was reached
where even the little sideways are huge and where vegetarians like to eat things in the form of sausages and even lobsters and where I saw Jan and Els, the first familiar faces since a long time
I realize that I`m not giving Europe the respect she deserves by crossing her in such a hurry
but for the moment there is no time
and neither time to lose
on the 31st of may I am expected to be at Roland Garros because that is a present from my sister whom I`ll meet in exactly four days
unbelievable
From the day I set foot in Istanbul again, the West is slowly coming back into the veins
the safe traffic, the metrosystem that leads you to wherever you need to go, that warns you for the gap!, that tells you which way you should get out!, that costs you as much as two meals in India!, the women wearing whatever they feel like, the supermarkets where there`s nothing you can`t buy, the places where there is space for art to be made and to be seen, the terrasses, the weather, unreliable as ever,
the cows that are not on the street anymore, the garbage that is being collected!, the eyes of the people not staring at you anymore, the atm`s that have to be visited by me much more frequently than before
and so on
coming back from the East via Istanbul and slowly making my way to Belgium
a good way to get used again to this great, exhausting, peaceful, capitalist, familiar, secure world where I was born
for the next few hours I am in Munich
then there will be a nightbus to Paris
the last stop before
HOME
two hours and thirty minutes by car said Google
everything was ready
had asked God to give me the ability of right distinction and a safe arrival at my goal
but there was fear
because of being alone now
a man who held his hands at his belt and didn`t look me straight in the eyes but first did a quick bodyscan was enough to lose the trust that wasn`t there in the first place
a man whose girlfriend didn`t have small breasts and neither a wide t-shirt, but at least in that way I could see she was a woman,
to whom I told that I was looking for a lift to Vienna, looked at me and asked me What kind of lift do you mean
that was the last drop, no man would be trusted by me today, not even the trustable ones
most of the familycars were full and those who weren`t were taken by more fat than skinny people whose goal was rather the Mc Drive inn than Vienna
So after one hour I gave up and gave in to the longing for safety and security
The trainstation was within a 5 minutes walk so that was a nice present from the world
I payed 30 euro`s and sat in the fast modern jetrail whose charm was nothing compared to my love, the Balkan-express
But everything together, Eastern Europe had been crossed a bit more and Vienna was reached
where even the little sideways are huge and where vegetarians like to eat things in the form of sausages and even lobsters and where I saw Jan and Els, the first familiar faces since a long time
I realize that I`m not giving Europe the respect she deserves by crossing her in such a hurry
but for the moment there is no time
and neither time to lose
on the 31st of may I am expected to be at Roland Garros because that is a present from my sister whom I`ll meet in exactly four days
unbelievable
From the day I set foot in Istanbul again, the West is slowly coming back into the veins
the safe traffic, the metrosystem that leads you to wherever you need to go, that warns you for the gap!, that tells you which way you should get out!, that costs you as much as two meals in India!, the women wearing whatever they feel like, the supermarkets where there`s nothing you can`t buy, the places where there is space for art to be made and to be seen, the terrasses, the weather, unreliable as ever,
the cows that are not on the street anymore, the garbage that is being collected!, the eyes of the people not staring at you anymore, the atm`s that have to be visited by me much more frequently than before
and so on
coming back from the East via Istanbul and slowly making my way to Belgium
a good way to get used again to this great, exhausting, peaceful, capitalist, familiar, secure world where I was born
for the next few hours I am in Munich
then there will be a nightbus to Paris
the last stop before
HOME
zondag 23 mei 2010
zaterdag 22 mei 2010
I could cry again but I won't
because I am in a coffee bar at the railwaystation in Sofia maybe
I could cry because of the beautiful way all things fall into
Arriving here at six in the morning and a train all the way to Budapest leaving at 12 am
Sofia. The woman behind the counter smokes
In fact, no woman who doesn't smoke
In fact, no man who doesn't smoke
A church where religion still means something for young and old
Fashion of the 80's without an ironical touch next to the newest expensive designers
And then the train!
You wouldn't get me more easily on the most luxurious cruise than on this incredibly romantic slowly but steadily moving oldtimer
A coupé all for myself
The train hasn't changed since it was made, in the 40's I would say but the sign says 1970, I believe
Don't go all the way to Russia for a transcontinental trainexperience.
Get on the Balkan-Express
What a treasure what a pleasure
For 60 euro I am traveling from Sofia all the way to Budapest
I couldn't be more at ease than here
I don't need to be anywhere else than here now
Smoothly on my way to the next stop, Budapest, where some singing friends called The Durgas who I once met by accident in Paris will be coincidently performing on sunday I heard from the girlfriend of a bandmember who appears to be a good friend of Jan, my good friend. What a world.
And then heading to Vienna where some biological and Belgian friend is living for already 4 months and I didn't know
That's enough looking forward, you never know what life will bring
But do me a favour, come and take this train
You should've left already
work will wait
And is in any case not that important as we think
come
I could cry because of the beautiful way all things fall into
Arriving here at six in the morning and a train all the way to Budapest leaving at 12 am
Sofia. The woman behind the counter smokes
In fact, no woman who doesn't smoke
In fact, no man who doesn't smoke
A church where religion still means something for young and old
Fashion of the 80's without an ironical touch next to the newest expensive designers
And then the train!
You wouldn't get me more easily on the most luxurious cruise than on this incredibly romantic slowly but steadily moving oldtimer
A coupé all for myself
The train hasn't changed since it was made, in the 40's I would say but the sign says 1970, I believe
Don't go all the way to Russia for a transcontinental trainexperience.
Get on the Balkan-Express
What a treasure what a pleasure
For 60 euro I am traveling from Sofia all the way to Budapest
I couldn't be more at ease than here
I don't need to be anywhere else than here now
Smoothly on my way to the next stop, Budapest, where some singing friends called The Durgas who I once met by accident in Paris will be coincidently performing on sunday I heard from the girlfriend of a bandmember who appears to be a good friend of Jan, my good friend. What a world.
And then heading to Vienna where some biological and Belgian friend is living for already 4 months and I didn't know
That's enough looking forward, you never know what life will bring
But do me a favour, come and take this train
You should've left already
work will wait
And is in any case not that important as we think
come
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