I could cry but I won't

because I am in a soupbar maybe
or because I realize it is because of the corny music on television
The journey flashes frequently through head and body
Memories are there without being asked for
Are there, because they once have been lived
Because I wanted to
Because life has given me what I needed
Memories are there again because house is coming closer, because I am back in Istanbul
Again, like seven months ago, crossed the bridge that connects West and East
across the river that seperates West and East
I could have cried, or at least looked around in confusion, because I can walk around again in pants and t-shirt, because people here know about tourists, because of not being special anymore
Because there are no cows in the way anymore
Because the weather starts to ressemble that of the country in which I was born
Because it feels safe being in a place you know
As much as you don't want to admit it, as much as you want to call yourself a die-hard traveler, not afraid of unknown paths, holes in the ground that call themselves toilet,fruit- and vegetable markets in Pakistan, wooden things that call themselves bed,snakes,men in little villages,cold mountaintops,new people, all the time new people, diarreah that follows days of constipation etc., women sitting on your lap in the bus, dying people in trafficaccidents
still it feels good seeing the West again
the well-known signs of a Western city
How beautiful it all has been, it is good being on the road again. Home now
The only missing parts are the old familiar faces
The mama biting her nails for 8½ months now
the papa following uninterruptedly, sometimes from far, sometimes ın silence, sometimes with words of poems
The sister giving advise on the right moments and never not being there, not even in the night not
The best friend whose life has taken so many turns that it is almost abnormal that I wasn't there for her
Susan, who was the special companion at the very special beginning and has gone her own beautiful way afterwards
Lau, who was in the big middle part and is already applying all the lessons we have learned
Jan, who silently without me realizing it fully, gave me his silence and peace to take with
And all the other faces who have helped and followed
who are luckily all still there and who I will see,meet and befriend again one by one with all my gratitude

But first I will still have to come a little bit closer
The busticket to Sofia is in the pocket
Bulgaria
From there it goes to Budapest
In the trainstation of Istanbul a hand-written note was hanging saying that the trains to Europe are not in function and we don't know when they will work again
That's why I'll take the bus
Until it stops