We`re in Kathmandu now.
And will go to the Buddhist Kopan Monastery for a few days, fleeing from the busy Thameldistrict in Kathmandu.
After that both of us will go back to India.
Laura takes a plane in Delhi on the 4th of april and Maaike will stay a few weeks longer in India before going home.
See you sooner than before.
vrijdag 26 maart 2010
annapurna round - what comes down comes down
On 17 march at 3.30 am we wake up in Thorung Pedi in a guesthouse packed with trekkers and bikers who would do the same as us that day, go to the Thorung Pass at 5416 meters.
At 4.30 we and our torches are ready to climb up. And that will appear to be true : climb up.
Still dark, further ahead some lights of early trekkers, behind us some lights of later trekkers.
Only the breathing of others and the ticking of walking sticks we hear.
And also something hanging at my backpack that has chosen this day to make very irritating ticking noises.
All irritates me, my torch gives up, already during the first few steps up I wonder how I will manage today.
But I call myself back, think `now,now,now` and concentrate on every step I`m taking at the moment.
That`s better.
Slowly it`s getting light.
The trek goes on. Upwards. Of course. We`re not there yet. It`s hard. Breathing is difficult and asks energy. The cold asks for my breathing and the bladdder for my attention.
A teahouse, a well-deserved very expensive gingertea in the first sunshine.
The irritation fades away and gratitude for the warm sun through the window takes its place.
Ok, time to go on. We climb. In the snow.
Where is my breath? Nothing to do but to stop as many minutes as I`ve been walking.
Continuously. For hours.
And then, finally, I see Laura`s arms waving at me from the top.
The body finds the energy to run the last meters. And less euphoric as I thought I would be, I reach the highest point of this trek. Thorung Pass, 5416 meters.
That`s how it`s going already the whole trek : You`re so focused on walking, that the thought `when will we arrive` slowly fades away. And at the moment when it has disappeared completely, you arrive.
But anyway, we did arrive and of course we are happy and moved.
A picture of the special moment is made.
Now nothing can go wrong anymore,only going down.
That`s what you think...
The cold made us leave the top quite fast.
So we started to descend.
And there it was. Relentless. The hammer on my head. Nothing to do even if I had wanted to do something.
Every stap a smash of the hammer.
Every five minutes five minutes rest. This would take us hours before arriving down.
The heart began to hammer also now.
Getting altitude sickness in descending, never heard of it before...
Resting against a rock. Would this ever end or would I die? Apparently one becomes a little dramatic during altitude sickness.
The rock made me feel sleepy. Babu, our guide and friend, firmly grabbed my wrist.
His worry fed mine.
We had to continue. The cold would undercool us.
Because it was cold.
Babu took my backpack. Laura in front.
Step by step we went down.
Cold, ice, slipping, getting up, slipping, icecold hands, the hammer relentlessly in head and heart.
Something told me that a body is strong enough to keep on going rather than to die as long as it has the choice.
So, keep on going.
Slipping, getting up, hammer, cold.
The weather beclouded. No sense of time.
Only sense of putting one foot in front of the other.
Laura had given me diamox after the rest against the rock.
To reassure me completely Babu said loud enough to Laura that that`s not a good idea, that only paracetamol helps in such a case, that diamox only helps when taken regularly.
Totally reassured we continued the long way down.
Poor Laura. After such a hard way up, now such a long way down only because there`s a hammer in my body.
Stone by stone. Step by step.
Holding still no option. Dying neither.
Continuing the only option left.
Nausea was there too. Squeezed stomach.
Why were we doing this again?
For pleasure?
Indeed.
I started to burp. A good sign, the stomach started to relax. Felt like eating something. Chocolate. Laura and Babu were possibly more relieved than I was.
It`s getting better, no?
Better. A little bit.
The chocolate remained in the stomach. The legs remained weak.
Still stone by stone.
No house ahead.
Only concentrated on the next step.
All other action superfluous.
After some six hours we reach a little guesthouse. I ask for a bed and get that, order food because I`m hungry.
It goes in and stays in.
Relief and pleasure.
Conquered the descent.
As well as the fear of death.
The next time I will climb a mountain, it won`t be such a high one anymore in the first place, and second I will fully realize and know that there are expressions that are true.That what goes up also must come down and that het venijn in het staartje zit.
After the food we continue. Still one hour and a half to go. To Muktinath, a perfect village surrounded by perfect mountains. A pilgrimage for Hindu`s and Bouddhists.
Babu then finds us the perfect guesthouse which` hot shower I won`t quickly forget (the first one in five days), neither as the bed and the sleep in that bed.
My gratitude is big. Possibly even bigger than when I wouldn`t have become sick.
And that`s how you learn that joy is even more enjoyable after suffering.
A lesson that we learned on this trek every day.
*
silence
mountain
5416 mtrs
Thorung Pass
breath
thank you
*
At 4.30 we and our torches are ready to climb up. And that will appear to be true : climb up.
Still dark, further ahead some lights of early trekkers, behind us some lights of later trekkers.
Only the breathing of others and the ticking of walking sticks we hear.
And also something hanging at my backpack that has chosen this day to make very irritating ticking noises.
All irritates me, my torch gives up, already during the first few steps up I wonder how I will manage today.
But I call myself back, think `now,now,now` and concentrate on every step I`m taking at the moment.
That`s better.
Slowly it`s getting light.
The trek goes on. Upwards. Of course. We`re not there yet. It`s hard. Breathing is difficult and asks energy. The cold asks for my breathing and the bladdder for my attention.
A teahouse, a well-deserved very expensive gingertea in the first sunshine.
The irritation fades away and gratitude for the warm sun through the window takes its place.
Ok, time to go on. We climb. In the snow.
Where is my breath? Nothing to do but to stop as many minutes as I`ve been walking.
Continuously. For hours.
And then, finally, I see Laura`s arms waving at me from the top.
The body finds the energy to run the last meters. And less euphoric as I thought I would be, I reach the highest point of this trek. Thorung Pass, 5416 meters.
That`s how it`s going already the whole trek : You`re so focused on walking, that the thought `when will we arrive` slowly fades away. And at the moment when it has disappeared completely, you arrive.
But anyway, we did arrive and of course we are happy and moved.
A picture of the special moment is made.
Now nothing can go wrong anymore,only going down.
That`s what you think...
The cold made us leave the top quite fast.
So we started to descend.
And there it was. Relentless. The hammer on my head. Nothing to do even if I had wanted to do something.
Every stap a smash of the hammer.
Every five minutes five minutes rest. This would take us hours before arriving down.
The heart began to hammer also now.
Getting altitude sickness in descending, never heard of it before...
Resting against a rock. Would this ever end or would I die? Apparently one becomes a little dramatic during altitude sickness.
The rock made me feel sleepy. Babu, our guide and friend, firmly grabbed my wrist.
His worry fed mine.
We had to continue. The cold would undercool us.
Because it was cold.
Babu took my backpack. Laura in front.
Step by step we went down.
Cold, ice, slipping, getting up, slipping, icecold hands, the hammer relentlessly in head and heart.
Something told me that a body is strong enough to keep on going rather than to die as long as it has the choice.
So, keep on going.
Slipping, getting up, hammer, cold.
The weather beclouded. No sense of time.
Only sense of putting one foot in front of the other.
Laura had given me diamox after the rest against the rock.
To reassure me completely Babu said loud enough to Laura that that`s not a good idea, that only paracetamol helps in such a case, that diamox only helps when taken regularly.
Totally reassured we continued the long way down.
Poor Laura. After such a hard way up, now such a long way down only because there`s a hammer in my body.
Stone by stone. Step by step.
Holding still no option. Dying neither.
Continuing the only option left.
Nausea was there too. Squeezed stomach.
Why were we doing this again?
For pleasure?
Indeed.
I started to burp. A good sign, the stomach started to relax. Felt like eating something. Chocolate. Laura and Babu were possibly more relieved than I was.
It`s getting better, no?
Better. A little bit.
The chocolate remained in the stomach. The legs remained weak.
Still stone by stone.
No house ahead.
Only concentrated on the next step.
All other action superfluous.
After some six hours we reach a little guesthouse. I ask for a bed and get that, order food because I`m hungry.
It goes in and stays in.
Relief and pleasure.
Conquered the descent.
As well as the fear of death.
The next time I will climb a mountain, it won`t be such a high one anymore in the first place, and second I will fully realize and know that there are expressions that are true.That what goes up also must come down and that het venijn in het staartje zit.
After the food we continue. Still one hour and a half to go. To Muktinath, a perfect village surrounded by perfect mountains. A pilgrimage for Hindu`s and Bouddhists.
Babu then finds us the perfect guesthouse which` hot shower I won`t quickly forget (the first one in five days), neither as the bed and the sleep in that bed.
My gratitude is big. Possibly even bigger than when I wouldn`t have become sick.
And that`s how you learn that joy is even more enjoyable after suffering.
A lesson that we learned on this trek every day.
*
silence
mountain
5416 mtrs
Thorung Pass
breath
thank you
*
donderdag 25 maart 2010
annapurna round - thoughts
to enjoy is to experience the absence of pain that was there before
like when you first walk seven hours and sweat and climb
and then stop
and feel
how nice it is to sit on a chair
who could`ve thought that sitting on a chair could be so pleasant
or like travelling and arriving and leaving and attaching and detaching and moving and bying traintickets
and then to go home
and to feel how nicer it is to sit on a chair of home
than on any other chair
who could`ve thought that sitting on a chair of home could be so pleasant
*
craving for a craving to go, won`t lead to the end of that craving
an apple doesn`t eat an apple
the end of the craving will be the end of the craving
entered through the backdoor
or left
as you want
*
the word silence demonstrates how helplessly insufficient words can be
the word mountain as well
the word meter as well
the number 5416 as well
and then the word altitude sickness
*
the himalaya`s
drying your socks on a walking stick above a stove that burns on cow dung
the himalaya`s
the sound of the wind blowing in your bamboo walking stick
the himalaya`s
washing yourself with a bucket and a cup at minus zero degrees
the himalaya`s
Laura starting to see elephants in the back of horses
the himalaya`s
donkey traffic
the himalaya`s
getting altitude sickness while going down
the himalaya`s
Laura getting dressed to go to sleep
the himalaya`s
meditating in the dark, opening the eyes at sunrise
like when you first walk seven hours and sweat and climb
and then stop
and feel
how nice it is to sit on a chair
who could`ve thought that sitting on a chair could be so pleasant
or like travelling and arriving and leaving and attaching and detaching and moving and bying traintickets
and then to go home
and to feel how nicer it is to sit on a chair of home
than on any other chair
who could`ve thought that sitting on a chair of home could be so pleasant
*
craving for a craving to go, won`t lead to the end of that craving
an apple doesn`t eat an apple
the end of the craving will be the end of the craving
entered through the backdoor
or left
as you want
*
the word silence demonstrates how helplessly insufficient words can be
the word mountain as well
the word meter as well
the number 5416 as well
and then the word altitude sickness
*
the himalaya`s
drying your socks on a walking stick above a stove that burns on cow dung
the himalaya`s
the sound of the wind blowing in your bamboo walking stick
the himalaya`s
washing yourself with a bucket and a cup at minus zero degrees
the himalaya`s
Laura starting to see elephants in the back of horses
the himalaya`s
donkey traffic
the himalaya`s
getting altitude sickness while going down
the himalaya`s
Laura getting dressed to go to sleep
the himalaya`s
meditating in the dark, opening the eyes at sunrise
annapurna round - a conversation with a guide
-Babu, will we pass the lake?
-no, no, no pass lake
-so we won`t see the lake?
-yes, see the lake
-so, we will see the tilicho lake?
-no, no too far
-so we will not see it?
-yes
-ok
-no, no, no pass lake
-so we won`t see the lake?
-yes, see the lake
-so, we will see the tilicho lake?
-no, no too far
-so we will not see it?
-yes
-ok
annapurna round - phase I
walking
the rythm
the necessary words
-rest?
-yes
then there is rest
thoughts arise
like thoughts do
you pass them by
as if you stand still while walking
the mountains are there
no need to look at them too long
as if you watch with closed eyes
as if you`re outside from the inside
-can you take my drinking bottle?
no,other side
-ok
the necessary words
you walk
you share
because you`re three
you know
still so many days
that`s why you walk
and why you stand still while walking
you walk
she walks
he walks
we
as if a conspiracy
-ok?
-ok
-how long?
-one hour
and that appears to be 30 minutes
you`re happy when you stop
you`re happy when you leave
in the end a tea is heaven
you walk
you pass a stretcher
with a man
without fingers
a few minutes before you were thinking
how lucky you are
with all your limbs
your life unrolls
you pass it by
your feet walk
you think of someone
you make a comparison
how she maybe walks the path with the least stones, the least holes
how you, next to it, on the same way, deliberately choose the side with the most obstacles
just
because that`s how you are
but you arrive in the same place
you walk
in nepal many mountain
your guide guides
the road sewed with stones and memories
with perspectives maybe too beautiful
you pass them by
you call yourself back
"now,now,now"
there you are again
there is the mountain
here the swollen ankle
you learn how to lose time
wether you know how late it is or not
it won`t get you there faster
-up?
-little up, then flat
slowly
your guide guides
even by stopping you don`t lose the rythm anymore
still more days ahead then you did
walking
forward
why?
for pleasure
to learn how to enjoy a tea again
warm socks, water when you`re thirsty
you pass porters
chips, backpacks, generators
that`s your fault
because you want to walk
they`re wearing flip-flops and 100 kilo
you hiking shoes and 6
but you walk
you pass them by
concentration
no space for namaste
only for the next step
the concentration of an animal
you pass them by
with guilt and respect
you try to become a better person
that`s why you walk
you can also stand still
but you walk
in order to
later, when you`re back where you once were
to live how you stood still while you were walking
you can do anything
without moving a finger
but sometimes you need to move them all
in order to know that that`s not necessary
sometimes you need to travel
in order to know that you don`t need to travel
because the mountains are everywhere
because the mountains are silent
because there are many mountain
not only in nepal
but everywhere
you walk
and you know
suddenly
certainly
in complete loneliness
that you`re never alone
sometimes standing still is the most forward we can go
the rythm
the necessary words
-rest?
-yes
then there is rest
thoughts arise
like thoughts do
you pass them by
as if you stand still while walking
the mountains are there
no need to look at them too long
as if you watch with closed eyes
as if you`re outside from the inside
-can you take my drinking bottle?
no,other side
-ok
the necessary words
you walk
you share
because you`re three
you know
still so many days
that`s why you walk
and why you stand still while walking
you walk
she walks
he walks
we
as if a conspiracy
-ok?
-ok
-how long?
-one hour
and that appears to be 30 minutes
you`re happy when you stop
you`re happy when you leave
in the end a tea is heaven
you walk
you pass a stretcher
with a man
without fingers
a few minutes before you were thinking
how lucky you are
with all your limbs
your life unrolls
you pass it by
your feet walk
you think of someone
you make a comparison
how she maybe walks the path with the least stones, the least holes
how you, next to it, on the same way, deliberately choose the side with the most obstacles
just
because that`s how you are
but you arrive in the same place
you walk
in nepal many mountain
your guide guides
the road sewed with stones and memories
with perspectives maybe too beautiful
you pass them by
you call yourself back
"now,now,now"
there you are again
there is the mountain
here the swollen ankle
you learn how to lose time
wether you know how late it is or not
it won`t get you there faster
-up?
-little up, then flat
slowly
your guide guides
even by stopping you don`t lose the rythm anymore
still more days ahead then you did
walking
forward
why?
for pleasure
to learn how to enjoy a tea again
warm socks, water when you`re thirsty
you pass porters
chips, backpacks, generators
that`s your fault
because you want to walk
they`re wearing flip-flops and 100 kilo
you hiking shoes and 6
but you walk
you pass them by
concentration
no space for namaste
only for the next step
the concentration of an animal
you pass them by
with guilt and respect
you try to become a better person
that`s why you walk
you can also stand still
but you walk
in order to
later, when you`re back where you once were
to live how you stood still while you were walking
you can do anything
without moving a finger
but sometimes you need to move them all
in order to know that that`s not necessary
sometimes you need to travel
in order to know that you don`t need to travel
because the mountains are everywhere
because the mountains are silent
because there are many mountain
not only in nepal
but everywhere
you walk
and you know
suddenly
certainly
in complete loneliness
that you`re never alone
sometimes standing still is the most forward we can go
donderdag 4 maart 2010
woensdag 3 maart 2010
a way to nepal
From Haridwar (see former message) the journey continued.
A way to Nepal appeared to be a 40 hour bumpy sleepless busdrive from Haridwar to Kathmandu.
In the first bus to the border we passed a seemingly dead man on the streets, we didn`t help, what could we have done?
I will always remember the traffic in India as reckless, inhumane, impersonal and so extremely indifferent. This man was the last sign to rembember me of this cruel side of humanity. India contains all that is digusting and all that is noble. It`s still true.
`If we will have another leader like Gandhi, then India could become one of the most peaceful and at the same time powerful places of the whole world`, Riaz, a very nice Moslem man told me in the train. But until that time comes, until that man or woman takes up the honest task of purifying India and uncovering the most beautiful powers that are now mostly hidden under open sewers and poverty, it will stay dirty and interesting, powerful and dumb, lively and dull, smelly and tasty, inspiring and exhausting, spiritual and deadly,noisy and silent.
After the first busride, we crossed the border on a cycleriksha, stopped at four or five immigrationoffices at the side of the road (a table outside, a man and a big old book), drove over the neck of a duck and left it halfdead at the side of the road (another last sign of how indifferent we all can be), paid the rikshadriver in our tiredness and out of my Nepali/Indian-rupee-confusion maybe five times what he should`ve earned, ate our first Nepali meal that made us feel a bit sick and got on the second bus that would eventually bring us to where we are heading to for already some months. Nepal, the Himalaya`s, the purity of the mountains. Nature, it`s something I have been missing on this trip.
We met such beautiful people, heard such amazing heartwarming stories, I deepened my yogapractice, we`ve seen different religions, mosques, temples. We`ve been invited by people who I will never be able to forget even if I would close my eyes and try really really hard. We`ve seen amazing cities and learned about their history.
But nature was missing (Laura has seen more of it in India of course during our 6-weeks seperation).
That`s what we are going to make up for now. Starting our trek (the Annapurna round) on the 6th of march to finish it 20 days later.
I probably won`t have the possibility to write during that time. But know we are enjoying it because there is no other way.
After that Laura and me will part.
What our plans are, you will read when we come back. Especially for me, the mountains still have to give me a little advise on my near future. But the plan is there, as always.
Namaste
And warm Belgium up for us
a letter of gratitude to Mataji and the shri santosh puri ashram
We came here, unknowing
We saw many people, we watched them
We saw people singing before every meal, we opened our mouth and uttered some similar sounds
In the evening we saw how people offered flowers to a statue with a long beard, while singing
We watched with big eyes, opened our mouths and again uttered some sounds
There was something with this place, but we didn`t know
We didn`t know what
The following morning. The sunrise. The Ganga. I still didn`t know, but felt something
Something right and strong
we decided we would leave
we couldn`t pray, we didn`t want to belong to a sect
we didn`t know
Then we heard we are free to do and don`t what we want
We decided to stay
We watched with bigger eyes, bigger ears, bigger hearts
We cleaned the meditation hall, without expecting a reward
We opened our hearts, slowly
We opened our mouths a bit more and sang the right words
We still saw many people but were among them now
A party. Two birthdays. The smell of flowers everywhere.
Singing, offering. I couldn`t help but felt part of a family.
Love everywhere, like the smell of the flowers.
Impossible to use another word than love.
A man, physically gone out of this world, is holding this place together.
A man who is living through his beloved ones
Who is thought of every second of the day
A man who has become love and flowersmell
A Babaji
A woman who`s life can be called devotion
A woman who speaks untinterrupted with closed eyes for more than two hours about her passion. Yoga.
A woman who every day gives little pieces of herself to anyone that enters her life.
A woman who still has enough pieces for many more years to come
A woman who inspires you to give away your own little pieces
A woman who`s eyes laugh like a child
A woman who`s body sometimes falls asleep during meditation, but who`s mind never does
A woman who`s eyes see everything. Even when closed.
A woman who`s actions can be called love.
A Mataji.
A place that can be called the right one
At the right time for most of it`s guests
Coming from over the world
Coming and going and mostly comng back
Like children always returning to their favourite toy
A river that unites
Daily and holy life
A river that vibrates through the country
nourishing, inspiring, healing anyone she touches
A Ganga
Non-attachment to this place is difficult
But a lesson
A good one
could be gone tomorrow
But now it is here
and that`s all there is
We`re going now
We know now
Something made us come.
Something made us stay
Something makes me come back
Like a child to her favourite toy
That something could be called God
Thank God
With all my respect and gratitude
Haridwar, 3th of march
We saw many people, we watched them
We saw people singing before every meal, we opened our mouth and uttered some similar sounds
In the evening we saw how people offered flowers to a statue with a long beard, while singing
We watched with big eyes, opened our mouths and again uttered some sounds
There was something with this place, but we didn`t know
We didn`t know what
The following morning. The sunrise. The Ganga. I still didn`t know, but felt something
Something right and strong
we decided we would leave
we couldn`t pray, we didn`t want to belong to a sect
we didn`t know
Then we heard we are free to do and don`t what we want
We decided to stay
We watched with bigger eyes, bigger ears, bigger hearts
We cleaned the meditation hall, without expecting a reward
We opened our hearts, slowly
We opened our mouths a bit more and sang the right words
We still saw many people but were among them now
A party. Two birthdays. The smell of flowers everywhere.
Singing, offering. I couldn`t help but felt part of a family.
Love everywhere, like the smell of the flowers.
Impossible to use another word than love.
A man, physically gone out of this world, is holding this place together.
A man who is living through his beloved ones
Who is thought of every second of the day
A man who has become love and flowersmell
A Babaji
A woman who`s life can be called devotion
A woman who speaks untinterrupted with closed eyes for more than two hours about her passion. Yoga.
A woman who every day gives little pieces of herself to anyone that enters her life.
A woman who still has enough pieces for many more years to come
A woman who inspires you to give away your own little pieces
A woman who`s eyes laugh like a child
A woman who`s body sometimes falls asleep during meditation, but who`s mind never does
A woman who`s eyes see everything. Even when closed.
A woman who`s actions can be called love.
A Mataji.
A place that can be called the right one
At the right time for most of it`s guests
Coming from over the world
Coming and going and mostly comng back
Like children always returning to their favourite toy
A river that unites
Daily and holy life
A river that vibrates through the country
nourishing, inspiring, healing anyone she touches
A Ganga
Non-attachment to this place is difficult
But a lesson
A good one
could be gone tomorrow
But now it is here
and that`s all there is
We`re going now
We know now
Something made us come.
Something made us stay
Something makes me come back
Like a child to her favourite toy
That something could be called God
Thank God
With all my respect and gratitude
Haridwar, 3th of march
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